To Syrina With Love

Syrina is 12 years old (born January 18, 1995). When she was 18 months old, she was diagnosed with autism and epilepsy. Even now, she can't speak, can't go to the toilet (she wears specially made diapers), and can't do such rudimentary things as feeding herself using a fork and/or spoon. This blog is comprised of all the things I would love to say to her, but which I don't know that she'll ever understand. I, of course, am her mother.

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Location: Sunderland, Tyne & Wear, United Kingdom

I'm an American "ex-pat," having moved to my husband's hometown in 2003. I'm now enjoying life as a "domestic goddess" ... or as close to one as I can GET! *lol* I've been married to the love of my life since 1999, and I have 4 gorgeous girls, of whom I'm very proud. I can be a little neurotic and krazy at times... and very opinionated. However, as opinionated as I am, I'm also very open-minded and have a "live and let live" attitude. I'm a walking, breathing contradiction... and that's why people love me. :)

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Silly Games

I started this with every intention of keeping up with it, but then life got in the way. now that Christmas is over and you're all back at school, things are a bit quieter, so I wanted to start updating this more often. As a promise to MYSELF, more than anything. I know you're never going to be able to read this, but I want to be able to look back at this and see the progress that you've made... and if I don't keep updating it on a regular basis, then it's not going to be much use to me, is it?


You haven't been feeling very well the past couple of days. You caught Caitlin's cold and have looked absolutely miserable. I kept you home yesterday - good thing, too, because you did almost nothing but sleep all day. You weren't even all that interested in food. I'm not sure if you had anything before I came out of my room in the morning, but from the time I got up to the time I went to bed, the only thing you ate was one cheese pasty. I'd bought you two, but you were only interested in the one - and even that one took you a couple of hours to finish, since you only picked at it. A bite here, a bite there.

But you seemed a lot better this morning. You were smiling, and your fever was gone, so I thought it would be okay to send you to school. I don't want to MAKE you stay home when I know you LOVE school so much. You get VERY bored, and if there's something I know that you like to do, I try to let you do it as much as possible. You love school, so if there's any way at all to let you go every single day, I will.

I got home with your sisters a little after you arrived home. Apparently Daddy had let you in, took off your coat and school bag (and just dropped it on the floor, grrr@him!) and you'd gone in your room, because when I walked in the door, your bookbag was in the middle of the hallway floor and you were about ready to fall asleep. I read the daily diary from your teachers, and they said you'd had a really good day - and I'll tell you, I was really relieved to read that! I knew you seemed fine in the morning, but I wasn't sure if it would last all day long. I was glad to hear that it did. They said you were all smiles, and your eye contact was good. Yay Syrina! *LOL*

So I said hello to you and pretty much just went on with my regular routine.

I made you and your sisters dinner, but you weren't all that interested. I brought it into your room to show you, but you just laid there and stared at it. So I put it on the dresser in the living room, where I always put things for you to finish later, and kept on working. You got up, had a few bites of it, but then went back into your room and sat on the bed. I went in there to talk to you, and out of nowhere, you started playing with me.

I was trying to teach Lexi how to get a hug out of you. She and Chloe have a hard time understanding that it takes YOU a minute to understand what it is they want, especially when what they want is either a hug or a kiss. And I remember how excited Caitlin got at that age, when she finally learned how to communicate with you in YOUR way.

So I'm sitting there next to you, trying to teach your 5-year-old sister how to hug you, and you start playing your silly games with me.

You lean into me, and when I lean in to you... you pull back and laugh. You kept going on like this for at least 10 or 15 minutes, each time getting closer and closer until eventually we were touching noses every time. I laughed so hard I was literally crying. A few minutes later, as you turned your head into the light coming from the living room, I noticed that there were tears in YOUR eyes as well!

I can't tell you how happy it made me to know that even though you're obviously still not feeling well, you were feeling well ENOUGH to play with me!!!! :)