MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!!

I couldn’t believe it. Part of me STILL can’t believe it. My head has been spinning round and round since it happened.

You said “Mom” yesterday. You said it, and you KNEW you were saying it. You KNEW exactly what it MEANT.

I was outside, watching your sisters and talking to the neighbors. You had come to the gate, and seemed really happy to be near me. You smiled and laughed and bounced up and down, making a “mmmm” sound. So, just for the hell of it, I said to you, “say Mom.”

You said it.

YOU SAID IT!!!!

YOU SAID “MOM!!!!!!!!”

I immediately burst into tears, and you pulled back and looked at me funny – as if you were trying to ask me what was wrong. I told you “these are happy tears, not bad tears.” I told you exactly what made me cry – that I had never thought you’d say it and know what you were saying, and that you hadn’t said something when I’d ASKED you to say it since you were a baby, since before your autism started becoming apparent.

The neighbors thought that something was wrong when they saw me wiping the tears off my face. You had come out of the house with me, over to the garden wall where they were. When I told them what you’d said and done, they got nearly as excited as I was. You soaked up all the praise, and went back in. I seriously think you went out there just so I could brag on you.

The thing is, this wasn’t the first time you’d said “mom,” but it was the first time that I could be fairly sure that you knew exactly what you were saying. You’ve said “mom” several times over the years. But it always seemed to happen in the middle of a “hum,” and I just couldn’t be sure if you knew what you’d said or what it meant. I always HOPED you knew what you were saying, but I just couldn’t be SURE.

But saying it when I ASKED you to say it… and I could just tell from the look on your face that you knew what you’d done. It’s hard to explain to other people, but I know from watching your face at least some of what you’re thinking. Like this morning. You were trying to get me in the kitchen, and then you gave me a hug. I said to you, “I know… you love me AND you’re hungry. Right?” You smiled and giggled at me, telling me that I was exactly right. It’s things like that, that I have only learned over the years. It’s not something that just comes to me immediately. It’s been trial and error, and years of experience with you. I’ve always known that in your little body is the mind of a person that would absolutely love to communicate with other people, but you just don’t know how. You want to make your feelings known, but don’t have the skills necessary to do it. People are always asking me how I know… and it’s hard to explain. It’s not like I’ve got ESP or I’m psychic or something… it’s from raising you for 11 years, and seeing how you’ve changed and matured over the years. But I KNOW. Your dad does, too. Your grandma even sees it, although she doesn’t recognize certain looks and gestures like I do, but that’s because we’ve lived in another country for the last 3 years. You’ve changed so much in such a short time that you’re like a totally different person from who you were 3 years ago.

I just can’t put into words how it makes me feel to know that you KNOW what the word “Mom” means, and that you can say it when I ask you to.

Of course, I realize that it doesn’t mean that you’re going to say it EVERY time I ask you to.

There are times when you are a COMPLETELY “normal” child. Attitude and all.